this tastes...funny

hola familia

I hope you are all doing good! Sooo I want to start with a funny/not funny story. So, as you know my comp suffered from the beginning with diarrhea and headaches and other stuff. Two weeks ago, I also started to come down with the same stuff. Then on Tuesday we were washing dishes after dinner and suddenly the water (that we drink) turned brown for a few seconds and then went back to normal.

What?

We have been paying closer attention to it now and it is happening more often. We called our landlord and she got all sassy with us saying that it is normal and that we are sick because we are foreigners and aren’t used to the water and food here.

I pointed it out that I’ve lived here for 15 months and this is not normal. Neither have I ever felt like this before.

She told me that it was our problem and not hers. We have been having a lot of other problems with the house…no hot water, water leaking near our fireplace and the carpet is always wet... a huge headache of problems.

Long story short, our water is contaminated. We started buying water and have been feeling so much better. We don’t have diarrhea anymore and my comp doesn’t feel like she is going to pass out every once in a while.

…All I’m going to say is that it’s a good thing you can drink your pee a few times before it kills you...

 haha our water isn’t that bad, but it’s amazing what bad water does to your body. 

This week, not going to lie, was extremely hard for me. I’m one of those missionaries that for me I’m happy if we are outside talking to people, working, having lessons, and serving. But this week happiness felt just out of reach for me. We had to call a “maestro” to fix all the problems with the house—so we lost a lot of time working. And with the health of my comp…for me the hardest part is how slow she walks…but it is also good because it was giving me a chance to slow down a bit and enjoy the flowers.

This sector is unlike any other that I have had. It is small and people are so mean. It is trying every part of my faith, patience and hope. For the most part of the week I have felt useless. We were walking A LOT. We were talking with everyone that we could draw out of their houses.

I now understand so much more the scripture that talks about that it’s easier for a camel to go through the eye of the needle than a rich man to enter into the Kingdom of God.

I feel like Abraham (I believe it was) when God said that they need to leave Sodom and Gomorrah because He is going to destroy it and Abraham said, “No, let me find 50 good people... 40.... 30... 15... 10... 5... 1.”

I know there are people here that are ready. I know that Padre Celestial has prepared at least ONE person for us. It’s just a matter of finding them and being at the right time at the right place.

Throughout the week (as I’m sure passes with all trials), I began to doubt if really I was good enough.

Maybe I’m not obedient enough, that’s why we aren’t finding anyone.

Maybe I don’t have enough faith.

Maybe, maybe, maybe.

A few days ago, while my comp was eating dinner, I went into our bedroom and fell on my knees and began to ask these questions to Padre. I asked Him to tell me or show me in a way that I can recognize that yes, I am doing all that I can or no, I need to change this or that. Afterwards, I felt a little better.

Throughout the next days, I have seen signs from Padre that helped me to see that I need to hold on. That I need to be DILIGENT in the things that I am doing and all will work out, all will finish good.

With every frustrating thing that happened this week, I could feel or see a small good thing that resulted from it. I think many times we hope for angels or big miracles and we miss the little signs and whisperings that tells us that we are okay, we just need to hold on. And Satan is always trying to chase away our hope and faith.

Padre Celestial has so much patience with me. Haha one minute I’m good and thinking positive and the next I’m sad and feel like nothing is going right and that I am just wasting the Lord’s time. I know everything happens for a reason. I know that everything will work out right.

Unfortunately knowing and feeling are two different things.

I was really looking forward to writing today, to be able to write to you mom and dad and share more detailed what is going on and how I feel. I’m really sad and tired and just done. This cambio has been the hardest cambio that I have had yet. This week was really hard for me and I just need someone to tell me it will be all right.

All week I kept thinking, “just get to Monday and you can talk with mom and dad. They will help you out.” When I logged on the computer, the first email I read was from you guys that said that you right now are camping and climbing and probably won’t have signal to get my email when I send it...

…but Padre Celestial is sooo merciful and loves us so much!!! THANK YOU,Sister Haggard and Sister Enia Castillo for your emails. Sister Haggard wrote me:

“Ryan is home and reflecting on his mission.  He sees that maybe the mission is not really about baptisms, although that is the work of the mission that puts us in situations almost daily to be touched by the spirit.  I agree with him that the truly amazing thing is the changes that happen in the missionary.  This is your Zion's camp.  You know that story? And the people you also put in a position to feel that spirit and be changed are not always converts and it doesn't matter.  Every soul is precious unto Him.  Companions, ward members, youth who will be inspired to serve a mission, families that seal loved ones because you helped then find and ready the names, bishops that learn about the law of chastity and teach others in their ward.”  

I am reading OUR LEGACY right now that talks about the beginnings of the church. I just read about Zion’s camp. Sister Haggard, thank you so much for this email. In Zion’s camp too, the brethren were tried in their faith, patience and hope. There were many who felt useless and who were ready to give up. They had to drink rotten water and were tried physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally. Those that held on, that were faithful, later became leaders in the church. The prophet later said that Zion’s camp’s purpose was to try and distinguish those that were converted and those that were not. WE MUST KEEP TRYING. WE MUST KEEP FIGHTING. WE MUST KEEP BELIEVING.

I feel like this is how this cambio has been. More of a testing to really see how strong my faith is. 

Hermana Enia Castillo also wrote me something that gave me a renewed feeling of hope and motivation: 

“Sigue intentándo, seas creyente, seas feliz, no te desanimes, las cosas saldrán bien.” 

(“Keep trying, be a believer, be happy, do not be discouraged, things will turn out well.”)

I am so grateful for friends and leaders that knowing or unknowing were led by the Holy Ghost to help me this week. Thank you for putting things back into perspective for me! I love you guys!

There are 2 reasons that we are here on this earth: to be tested and to be happy. I am so grateful for the tests, although they are horrible and sometimes seem impossible to overcome, I know that because of the Gospel and the Book of Mormon, we can be happy.

I hope all of you are heeding the words of profeta Thomas S. Monson. STUDY THE BOOK OF MORMON EVERYDAY. It is the key to righteous, happy living.

I love my Savior and my Padre Celestial. I testify that They love us and do answer our prayers. They are always there, cheering us along. I love you all and pray for you every night. Tengan una semana espectacular y nunca olviden que Jesus es el Cristo que nuestro Padre Celestial nos ama y que la Iglesia de Jesucristo de los Santos de los Ultimos dias es el reino de Dios sobre la tierra. les amo con todo mi corazon. (Have a spectacular week and never forget that Jesus is the Christ our Heavenly Father loves us and that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the kingdom of God on earth. I love you with all my heart.)

Hey!!! Tell Uncle Rex that I am going vegetarian when I get home because meat here has scared me. I’m never eating meat again. I’ll be calling him for tips and help!